The first thing we need to know

For many years I had been feeling that people who barely knew me seemed to like me, and that people who knew me well liked me; but people who only knew me a bit, did not seem to like me much.

You may have had the same feeling. I did not understand until someone said the same thing to me. And suddenly it was crystal clear. We meet people and we kind of like them. As we get to know them better we are evaluating them. Are they the kind of people we want to hang out with? Do we have enough similar interests, to actually have something to talk about. Is this person interested in the same kind of relationship I am (friends, romance, sex, support)?

Yes it should be clear to you now as it suddenly was to me. We are not looking to connect with the, maybe, hundreds of people we come in contact with but for a reason not to bother.

So only those who do not get weeded out, by either side, in this process do we have a chance to form a connection with. That means that most of the people you meet and talk with you are not going to be able to make a meaningful connection with.

So if for every 10, 20, maybe 100 people you talk to, you are going to get nowhere, why bother? Two reasons: The most obvious being that you are not going to find the ones that will be meaningful to you both if you do not window all those people. The second is it is good practice, without stress, at talking to strangers. I mean, if you know it is probably not going to matter, you do not have to put your soul on the line. That makes it easier to just be you. That actually has to help finding the people who are looking for someone like you. No so?

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